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Well next week the packing will begin. We will be looking at the last of the rental homes on our list and making a decision. It is very strange looking at homes and not feeling excitement. Every time we have looked for a new place to call home it has been exciting and fun; we have always been upgrading. This time it is sad and frustrating and the biggest emotional challenge of my life so far.

Every one we look at I think about how it compares to my home. The cabinets are not the same, the space is not the same, the way it is cut up into rooms is different and the yard is different. From colors to craftsman ship I compare every detail. I dwell on all the things I will mis about my home; the home I walked into when we were buying and said, "this is it; this is the one."

As Jeff pointed out to me, it is not my home anymore and the sooner I can recognize that the sooner I will be able to move on. The problem is it isn't that easy for me. I know we were screwed and it isn't the first time. I feel personally f-you'ed by the US government. (Imagine that right; lets start a club) I am trying to deal with this by knowing and understanding that others are in worse situations without jobs or homes and that I should feel lucky to have a job of any kind and family and friends around me to lean on. The problem is, while I know that others have it much harder, it is human nature to consider your own problems much bigger, because they are your reality and you are directly affected by them. Selfish - I know - that is just the way it is. Human nature; don't lie to yourself, you know it's true no matter how selfish it makes you sound.

The important thing for me to control is my bitterness. I must understand and remain compassionate and happy to my friends around me that have blessings in their lives right now and not be bitter and jealous. If I let that happen I know it will consume me. I am truly happy for them and wish them all the blessings in the world. Faith and her gorgeous addition to her family (due May 9) and Phil and Gena and their AWESOME new home that looks fantastic and they have poured their heart and soul into. Amanda and the return of her husband from Afghanistan safe and sound. All amazing things.

I am very thankful to have a job at all, even if it is not the one I went to school for at least I am working with children. I am also thankful that Jeff has a job and that we are together. This is just not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I thought things got better and student loans would be worth it, because college means a good, solid job in this country. Shame on me for buying into that!

More teachers have been given the boot in our local school system. Very good and high performing teachers with families, student loans, house payments and mouths to feed now have no pay check.

When did education become obsolete?