Today is the day. We are 'showing' our house today to get approval from a rental agency. We need to be deemed worthy to rent from them. They are coming over to check out the condition of our current home and look for general damages associated with our dog. Luckily my dog does not cause damage. However, I am having a very hard time hosting someone in my house that is there to judge the way I live. Judge me to see if I am living up to their standards so I can rent a home that is not even on the same level as the one I am in. F-that.

I am still trying to cope with this.

I am now wondering what if something nicer opens up? What if we sign this rental agreement and then a fantastic rental home opens up and we miss it. I am also thinking, maybe some house pixies will magically give me my home back again.

I think I have hit the crazy stage of loss.

I know many people don't understand why losing a house means so much. After all, it's just a house right? Wrong. It's memories and a future. It's a sense of accomplishment and now a sense of failure. Failure is a fear of mine in all aspects of life. It hurts and I have to watch it in slow motion everyday until we move out and my failure sits here vacant.

I am so tired of these people blaming the homeowners for the economy and for what is going on with the millions of foreclosures. People that are not in this situation, have no idea what it is like. Some people did buy a home without the means to keep it. To those people shame on you and the lender that granted you a loan. For others, like myself and Jeff, we could keep it until the mortgage companies became desperate with greed.

The stimulus plan is a joke when it comes to housing. It helps you with an affordable payment for up to five years and then everything goes back to the way it was. That is IF, IF, you are approved. Where as once the banks would lose money on foreclosures, now they have been bailed out and receive money based on need which is determined by foreclosures.

:sigh:

I better prepare for my inspection.