judgement

Over the past few days I have had several thought provoking conversations with varying degrees of importance. These are those stories...DUN-DUN. :)


Judgement.



No one wants to be judged poorly. I have been judged unfairly multiple times throughout my life by the way I dressed, spoke, my beliefs and the people I chose to associate with. I hated that people judged me by such outside observations. I spent a great deal of my life as a somewhat depressed and very insecure person. As I reached adulthood I embraced my alternative, liberal views and decided to associate with people that accepted me for the uniquely loud, fiesty, angsty, liberal, classy, woman that says fuck a lot. Somewhere along the way I may have forgot how strength is gained from experience and support systems that you build in your life. Strength is not something that everyone possesses; it isn't granted like a wish and not everyone walks away from their life's experiences with strength. As some very strong, and each uniquely beautiful, women recently discussed with me: everyone has a story.


I tend to be very empathetic with children that come from poverty and abuse since I see it in my job all the time. For some of these children, I am there only positive, safe and stable support. Due to the fact that they cannot truly defend themselves against the huge waves of emotions they are attempting to process stemming from a variety of abusive situations, I tend to not judge them, but to comfort them. I haven't been giving adults the same courtesy. I feel like they should know better, or be able to have the strength to overcome their past and present and create their own future. Unfortunately, many people were never given the tools to survive and overcome the negativity that emcompasses their lives. Restating: strength is not given freely and everyone has a story. Some people are bitter, jeaous, negative, self-loathing, spiteful, vindictive, hateful, insecure and just looking for someone to give them the tools needed to climb their way out. While I have never been a people person per say, I am going to try to remember not to judge those people I encounter in my everyday life, but remember that everyone has their own private battles that they endure.

This does not mean I am giving everyone a free pass to be a douche bag or a stuck up bitch. Some people are just bad news and continually make bad chocies and crave negative attention and take everyone around them down with them. Some people don't want to change and will not change. Those people are sad and sick.

*When I say I have never been a people person, what I mean is that I was never an outgoing, outwardly trusting person. I don't enjoy being surrounding by people I don't know. I get nervous when I am uncomfortable and I can come off as rude due to my lack of social openess with new people. This is part of my back story. Due to the ridicule and judgement that was passed on me in my teen years (which I wouldn't trade for the world) I have developed a habit of closing off people. Luckily I have met some really amazing people over the past few years here-some that have moved away, but still remain a part of my life and some that have not moved away-that have helped me begin to overcome some of these social issues.
By the way-Amanda, get me some dates for your visit! :)


My partner in life:

Jeff amazes me-he is a truly happy and social being. He has overcome so many personal struggles and accomplished so much. He is not quick to pass judgement and he enjoys the little things in life. He had some very big obstacles in his past that he has overcome, and he helps me with my insecurities and my social issues by showing support and encouragement. Inspiring.

As always Faith-without her I wouldn't be who I am. She has always ALWAYS been there for me in my life. I miss her everyday being so far away, but no distance can interfere with our friendship. She is a huge part of the reason I am still a sane human being. Mostly sane anyway.